Back to School While Co-Parenting

Back-to-school time is always stressful for families.  Navigating this time while co-parenting can be challenging.  There are several strategies that parents can use to minimize the effects on the children – and to make the family’s life a bit more manageable.

Review your Custody Order or Agreement

Back-to-school time is a great time to review your custody order and your rights and responsibilities under that Order.    Perhaps your schedule changes during the school year from the summer schedule.  If so, you need to understand when that switch occurs and what the school year schedule looks like for you and your child.

Particularly if this is the first school year that you have been separated, you should understand if or when your custody schedule requires you to get your children to and from school.  Pay close attention to the start and end times of school, particularly if your child is starting or moving up to a new school.  Ensure you understand your child’s transportation arrangements and confirm your rights and responsibilities if you do not live in the school’s geographic area.

While you should always be mindful to keep your children out of all custody issues, you should ensure that they understand the impact of the custody schedule on their transportation.  For example, if they take the bus at your house but are a car rider at your co-parent’s house, you should communicate with your co-parent to ensure the child understands where he is supposed to go and what he is supposed to do each day.

Communication is Key

The beginning of the school year often brings an abundance of forms and information sent home by the school.  If you share legal custody with the other parent, both of you should be aware of this information.  Familiarize yourself with the school’s communication app (and remember it might not be the same as last year!).  Some common school communication apps include Schoology, Remind, ClassDojo and Seesaw.  Each parent should have a separate account on the app to ensure both are being informed of the vital information.  This streamlines the process and eliminates the potential issue of one parent not sharing this information with the other.  Similarly, this is a good time to check the emergency contacts listed and individuals authorized to pick up the children from school. Typically, both parents should be listed to ensure that there are no issues in an emergency or when the school needs to contact a parent regarding the child.

The start of school also typically means the start of fall sports or other extracurricular activities.  Ensure you know the child’s schedule for these events and how they affect your custody time. Typically, you are responsible for getting your child to the practice or rehearsal during your custody time.  Consult with your specific Custody Order.

There are several co-parenting apps or shared calendars that can make communication much easier and simplify your life.  Apps like Our Family Wizard, Appclose, or even a shared Google Calendar or Microsoft Outlook Calendar are often used to ensure that both parents are informed of important events and dates, including extracurricular activities, school pictures, and doctors’ appointments.

Contentious Relationships

September seems to be filled with back-to-school nights, meet-the-teacher nights, and similar events.  And later in the fall, there are parent-teacher conferences.  And if you share multiple children, this can result in a lot of contact between the parents. While the preference is for co-parents to attend these events and show up for the child together, there are certainly situations where this is not possible or advisable, particularly in situations of domestic violence.  In these cases, communicate with your co-parent to develop a plan.  For example, you may choose to alternate or otherwise divide up your attendance.

Focus on your Child

This time of year can be exciting, frustrating, or scary for your child.  Try to set aside disagreements with your co-parent, and certainly shield your child from any conflict.  Focus on doing what you can to ensure your child has a good start to the school year.

If you need assistance with a custody case or have questions about legal matters affecting your family, contact us to schedule a consultation.  Enjoy the rest of your summer, and we hope you and your family have a fantastic start to the school year!