There’s no doubt that going through divorce can be tough. To successfully get through the process, you have to think through its financial implications, and you have to be sure to take care of your own emotional and mental well-being. But all of that can be difficult to do when you’re in the midst of a contentious divorce. Tension with your spouse, seemingly over every little issue, can leave your nerves frayed and the uncertainty of your future overwhelming.
Yet, there are steps you can take to protect yourself during this difficult process. One of them is to set boundaries with your spouse and yourself so that you disallow your marriage dissolution from consuming your life and defining you. But how, exactly, can you set health boundaries to your benefit? Let’s take a closer look.
Tips for setting boundaries during divorce
Even though your divorce might feel chaotic now, there are steps you can take to set boundaries and give the process some structure that you’re comfortable with. Here are a few ways to do that:
- Set physical boundaries: When going through divorce, you and your spouse have to figure out living arrangements. One of you might decide to move out of the marital residence, or you might continue to live together until your divorce is finalized. Either way, you and your spouse need to be on the same page as far as what those living arrangements look like and where everyone’s belongings are going to be stored. By creating these clear physical boundaries, you give yourself room to think about your next steps and your future. It can also reduce the risk of conflict.
- Find ways to establish emotional boundaries: The divorce process can take quite an emotional toll if you’re not careful in how you navigate it. That’s why it’s important to find ways to set emotional boundaries. One way to do this is to specify certain times and methods of communication. By doing so, you know that you’ll have uninterrupted periods where you don’t have to worry about hearing from your spouse. You can also set parameters with your spouse about the content of your communications, such as by agreeing not to drag up events from the past. Be sure to speak with a therapist or counselor if you need more ideas for how to protect your emotional well-being during divorce.
- Create social boundaries: There’s a fair chance that you and your spouse share friends. Your divorce, then, can make these friendships awkward and strained. Don’t be afraid to talk to your spouse about how to handle these friendships so that you can avoid one spouse pitting friends against the other. This can include agreeing to how the divorce is framed to friends and what topics are off limits with them, as well as specifying when each of you can spend time with those friends.
- Set financial boundaries: Heading into your divorce, your finances are probably interwoven with those of your spouse. Make sure you open your own individual bank account and start creating a fund to help you with our post-divorce life. Discuss expectations for use of marital funds while your divorce is pending, too, so that you and your spouse are on the same page regarding how those assets can be used.
Find a healthy way to get through your divorce
A mishandled divorce can cause a significant amount of damage, touching nearly every aspect of your life. But you can protect yourself by being thoughtful and comprehensive, as well as by exhibiting a fair amount of foresight and legal know-how. That can all be stressful to think about in the moment, though, which is why you might find it beneficial to work with skilled professionals who can help you chart a course to a successful post-divorce life.